Life is such a crazy ride. Sometimes the laughs abound and sometimes the tears abound. There are seasons throughout life. Some more pleasant than others, but all are necessary I believe. Grief season is a particularly unpleasant one, and tends to strike at odd moments. Sometimes it settles deep down in your soul and other days it rides the breeze somewhere between this world and the next. I find some days I am uncomfortably numb and then some days I am quite comfortable being numb. Other days I feel i have conquered this lurking beast and other days I feel like it conquers me.
My birthday just passed, and it was the first birthday since I was born that I didn’t speak to my mother. It felt so incredibly empty, so unimportant. Just another day. The woman who gave me life is no longer here to celebrate it. That reality hit me hard this week. My mother……the one who gave me life……is gone….forever. I miss her terribly. Most days I just convince myself not to think about it, but Today life is asking me to ride that wave. So here I am giving in and awaiting the sunshine that always returns. Sometimes you just have to allow yourself to be sad, so that you can once again abound in the laughs. It’s cleansing. The tears, the waves, the pain, the struggle. Today I pray when I ride that wave I unearth a little more love.