Isn’t it strange that in order for something to grow, something must be lost, or shed off? I feel so deep in my soul some sort of turning point approaching, I’m not even sure exactly what it is going to be, but I know it will be important, major in some way. It frightens me and excites me. I am a curious creature like that.
This year has been tough to say the least, I have in no way made it any better by living in my head all of the time. Your head can be a scary place, but it can also be your refuge, if you just do some adjusting to your thoughts. More than that though, there is this tug on my heart, it refuses to be ignored or swept away, it is out of my control, and I know it. Life is always changing, that is constant, and I believe my growing pains are more from the refusal to participate in the changes, than just going with the rhythm of life as it flows.
I have suffered mentally, physically, and spiritually on a much greater magnitude than I have in a very long time. I can be so stubborn when it comes to change, I mean who doesn’t love a comfort zone? However, sometimes I do find it to hold better outcomes when I allow these agonizing times to stay a little while, that way when the rain subsides, I can remember vividly just how precious the sunshine really is. You can’t appreciate one without the other. They both hold immeasurable value within a life. Life is tragically, beautiful.
Something is about to take up root in my life, and other things will be pruned away, I just know. I feel like there’s a huge wave brewing somewhere right in the middle of me and there is nothing I can do to contain it, there is no stopping it, for whatever this change is, it is far greater than I. As afraid as I am, I think I am just about ready to cooperate and grow, whatever that looks like.
I am tired of the rain for now……..